Dating and Doors by Cheryl Lewis
Has it been a while since you have been out on a date,
or maybe you haven’t been able to get a second
date after your first date fiasco, this article is written
as a refresher course into dating etiquette and for
your learning more about what your date might like.
Rule number one when you are on a first date is to
always be you. Don’t try to portray yourself as
someone you are not. If you put forth a ‘fake’
personality, career, or even an untrue past, the future
between you and your date will be a doomed failure from
the start. If you are truly going to be honest in a
relationship, you will be together because you and the
other have built a relationship based on real facts,
thoughts and ideas. False starts create doubts in a
relationship that are difficult if not impossible to
overcome.
Another steadfast rule in the dating world is do not
try to focus the entire date about yourself and your
world. Keep your date interested in conversation about
worldly happenings, local happenings or even by asking
them about themselves. Continual conversation brings
about a great date for the both of you. Focus on today
without focusing on where you will be tomorrow with
this person; if the relationship is meant to be it will
happen naturally. This brings together the honesty in
the relationship through conversation. The sharing of
real events, thoughts and ideas in both of your lives
is how a second date is brought about because of the
attraction to want to learn more about the other person
by spending more time with that person.
Combining the rules
Using the two major rules as discussed above and implementing
small special effects to your date will bring out the
best in a budding relationship while creating lasting
memories for the two of you. These ‘special effects’
in a first date can be very small gestures of kindness
that portray the real person in you. While there are,
many traditions that have changed over the years the
following are a few you may need to acquaint yourself
with. These new ‘traditions’ include the
arriving in separate cars (for safety reasons), double
dating (again for safety when not knowing the other
person very well at all), and in going dutch on a date
(creating the ‘equality’ feeling if needed),
there are still a variety of personal effects that you
can use to impress your date.
When you are discussing going out, ask if he / she
would like to use one car – opting for whichever
the both of you feel most comfortable with for the time
being. You could also suggest that the two of you take
cabs if you are going clubbing on a first date, resulting
in not having either party on the date having to worry
about drinking and driving.
As you arrive on your date, whether you are going for
a walk in the park, going to the movies or going to
dinner, let your date know if you like how they look,
how they dress, or even if you like something about
where you are going. Complimenting the other person
on their appearance creates a feeling of inner confidence
for that person, which brings confidence to your date
because the person will feel they can compliment you
in return in regards to what they like about you, without
making you feel embarrassed as well.
There are a variety of simple gestures you can also
use throughout your time on your date to make the two
of you feel at ease. These gestures include: simply
walking side by side, looking at each other when asked
a question that involves the both of your input, and
compromising as needed on your first date. Compromise
about what the two of you do with your time together,
let the date be something that the both of you would
like to do or see while on your first date. Good examples
of a first date might be walking through a fair, going
window-shopping in the mall, watching fireworks, dancing,
or you could even go to a concert that you agree to
see.
When you are on a date, do your best not to finish
sentences for someone when they are speaking to you
in conversation. You may not realize this could appear
rude when you finish a sentence for another but the
conversation meaning could be altered, differed from
his or her original thought. Keep the conversation balanced
by asking questions about the other person’s life,
ideas in life, and thoughts about what is going on in
your surroundings.
No matter what sex you are, if the other person on
your date is walking behind you, hold the door and allow
them to walk ahead of you. Common courtesy in a relationship
is the basis for a great friendship that is possible
to bloom into more if nurtured.
While it may mean that you will have to restrain yourself,
do not try to keep you date out longer than what they
want to be. There are some very good reasons why a person
may need to be home by midnight that you may not be
aware of. Some of these reasons could include: early
shift the next morning, they only have a babysitter
for a certain time, they must have the car back by a
certain time, they don’t feel comfortable in their
neighborhood after a certain hour, they worked an early
shift that day, or maybe the other person isn’t
feeling well at that particular time.
One or both of you can inquire about contacting each
other again, with numbers exchanged if easily agreed
upon. If you find yourself in a situation where one
is hesitant to give out a phone number, the other (who
asked) might make an easy come back in conversation
saying: ‘We don’t have to worry about it
right now, I’ll just talk to you later when I
see you…’ using wherever you met as a starting
point in seeing that person again. As your date is nearing
a close, be sure to ‘Thank’ the other person
for spending some time with you, letting them know you
had a good time with them if you did. Your being polite
is a great trait to be remembered by when another is
thinking about your date and the time you have spent
together.
Using a few of the small gestures as listed here and
using some of your own creative ideas, while you are
on a first date, will increase your chances for a successful
first date. Combining the special gestures and ideas
into your first date while implementing your ‘real’
side and your ‘honesty’ in conversation
will be the basis for a solid relationship. Remember,
the reason for going on a date is to learn more about
a person and for growing friendships between people,
not to be looking for love around every corner or in
every person that you may encounter.
Cheryl Lewis, freelance writer, married and mother of
three. Based in the Mountains of PA
Cheryl writes for DrDating – a web site for anyone
looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles,
E-Books and links to some great dating and love sites
all over the world. DrDating also offers reviews of
some of the most popular dating sites and books.
http://www.DrDating.com
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